#58 ~ EAT ME

It’s all about you. If the world was condensed into a hazelnut that you could hold in the palm of your hand, it would be looking to you for sunshine and moonlight. Day and Night. It wouldn’t even have to revolve, just being connected to you is enough to sustain it. Though there is no I in TEAM, there is ME, and so we regularly take a concerted group effort and scale it down to the individual. It’s about how hard I push, how well I can breathe. I’m the one who makes or breaks it. Without ME there would be no TEAM.

As self-indulgent and pervasive as that idea is, it falters on the slim premise of confidence. The confidence of being the best, and therefore fearless. Yet when you do fear, when the mountain of your inadequacy confronts you, how do you survive and still race the race? How do you still put on the power, pull in the finishes and bring the cup home?

An asthmatic, I often tell my friends, if someone was chasing me to mug me, after 200m’s I would turn, hold up my hands, and say in a panting-snot-dripping-phlegm-hacked voice “Take me now. I surrender. Just let me use my Inhaler.”

You EAT ME, you TAME ME and eventually turn it into WE. I of my own strength can do nothing. An asthmatic, I often tell my friends, if someone was chasing me to mug me, after 200m’s I would turn, hold up my hands, and say in a panting-snot-dripping-phlegm-hacked voice “Take me now. I surrender. Just let me use my Inhaler.” I have no shame in admitting it. It’s not even that my asthma is that bad. To be honest, I have no idea where I stand on the breathless scale, but in terms of mental strength, that ‘illness’ is a weakness i gladly exploit when the going gets tough.

It stems from a fear of failure. The fear, that if I don’t perform I need an excuse. It’s not that I inherently am bad, only handicapped, disadvantaged in someway. You may judge me, but we all have our vices. Be it our appearance, the quality of our grades, our marital/relationship status, our gender, ethnicity, height, weight, beauty or lack of, we disable ourselves when we think it is to our benefit, and helps to retain some respect in the eyes of others.

We view the world externally. What do they think of me? The truth is they aren’t thinking of you. It’s time I turned my eyes inwards, saw the strength and potential within and exercised it to the best of my abilities. It’s time I took every breath as an act of thanksgiving. I’m not dead yet so I must have a bit more to give, so now let me give it.

Trying to make every second count as an act of worship.

To do that you can’t be staring at your own reflection. You have to remember, giving thanks, is a gesture towards someone else. It is an external acknowledgement of something greater, which should remind us of the greatness within.

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