There are those days when, as beautiful as the shining sun is, as peaceful as your room, as delectable as the book your reading is, and as energised as your exercised body feels, you need to escape. A prison of luxury and peace surrounds you. We enter into the picturesque world we constantly dream about, only to find it a glass cage, sealed, claustrophobic and unrelenting in its ‘perfectionism’.
I had to get out. My eyes were closing on the swarming black print, the sun was bearing down on me and I could feel my skin rising in a heat-rash, prickly like a baby hedgehog. I felt stale, dirty and trapped. So I left. Once my class was done I strapped the helmet on my head and cycled along the river path away from the University, lectures, and the essay waiting for me.
At the beginning there was this manic impetus to move. My thighs were rising and falling, feet creating looping circles, i was barely looking where I was going; on coming traffic was a last-minute reflection. My eyes seemed to have closed on their own accord, I just needed to move. Around 5 minutes in the latent lactic acid from this mornings row started to say hello, and a few groans escaped my mouth. I knew I wasn’t tired, but mentally, mentally I was…drained? Void? Vacant?
I find it funny to think how my friends over here think of me. In actuality I like to be alone, be quiet, on the outside looking in. I don’t feel a need to always be in a group. But for some reason i do seem to be the one that talks a lot, tries to gel the vibe, make things flow. To get away from that and just be on my own again, but my own within the outside world, it was like a release.
My mind floated away from me, my eyes lost their focus and wandered, conjecturing pasts, futures and parallel presents.
To simply break away, even for a few minutes, was a release much-needed.
Loosing control, yet rediscovering the balance.