It’s like hallucinating whilst your sober, stone-cold clean awake. The desires of your mind conjure an image, evoke a wish, a musing which transpires into an almost realtime authentic experience, sensation. You see your self in the coffee shop smiling, making quaint responses to conversations. You feel the bridge of your nose crack and taste the heat of the salty blood as it runs like wet paint over your face. Your rock gently to the beat of a soft groove, and your eyes flick across to the empty spot by the mirror, which in your mind is taken up by that mysterious figure whose identity changes depending on your fancy. The daydreams become so vivid, so overpowering, that as your eyes trace printed letters, your mind is reading the ticket stub for the imagined film you’re going to watch. Two parallel universes invade your line of sight, and it becomes hard to distinguish the feeble line of demarcation, or even where the initial spark of an idea came from.
It grows wings and before you know it soars. When you meet that situation once more in reality, you struggle to accurately remember what was imagined and what took place. Did we or did I?
We fall in love, hatred, get excited and nervous about a fictive experience. We bathe in the glory of a self-created victory, or cower in a self-inflicted nightmare. When the event that we’ve imagined, conjured, considered does finally appear, it seems to be in disguise. It’s less glamorous, painful, awkward, jaw-dropping. Your stomach doesn’t flip, your lungs don’t give out, your mouth doesn’t smile.
Yet sometimes you wonder. Did I bring this situation on myself? Is it a question of being careful what you wish for? In the regular daydreams, have you insinuated, implied or suggested something in the reality? Or is it, that when confronted with the truth, the hard facts that sit across from you sipping Ribena, or Cranberry, it is less desirable, more mundane with a waning significance?
Struggling to live in the Now. So difficult, but the reward of clear sight appears so delectable.